November 2010
1 post
update
….
July 2010
1 post
first 4th of july
without fireworks,
without family,
without her.
June 2010
1 post
May 2010
1 post
“nobel prize” - the delicate esses
...
February 2010
4 posts
lunch with
the ex significant other followed by ice cream. I didn’t know how to behave, but I did know that I wanted to hug her and smell her.
handiman
today I changed the busted headlight bulbs, replaced the toilet flusher apparatus and put new light bulbs in the ceiling fan. I’d like to think that she’d admire me for trying to make my life brighter. but she’s probably too busy to care. and even if she did notice she would be unimpressed by me fixing
broken things, because grown-ups are supposed to do that shit anyway.
on day 20
he wakes up to a negative balance in his bank account. in the evening he drives through traffic in darkness courtesy of two busted headlights. almost hits a cat.
he calls her. no answer. now he is alone and watching lost.
January 2010
15 posts
hang-ups.
I woke up in the middle of the night, stomach growling because I forgot to eat again—eating is not a priority when you’re heartbroken—so i got a bag of chips from the kitchen and brought it back to bed where i snacked and watched bad girls club. I am anti food in bed, in my own bed at least, but this time I didn’t care. she loved to snack in bed. i would give her such a...
on the 5th day
he washes the 2 week old pile of dishes.
on the 6th day he goes back to work.
on the 7th day the sun comes out.
conan por vida
i’ve been watching this man since i was in 6th grade. his show(s) has been the most consistent thing on television i’ve watched for the last 16 years. at eleven years old we formed a conan o’brien fan club, two members strong. we found someone whose sensibilities were as odd and twisted as ours, whose comedy was for us and only us.
for the past two weeks conan has been quick to...
lies
just saw a blackberry commercial in which a guy shows up late to a restaurant where a girl was waiting for a while and when he finally arrives he leans in to kiss her and she’s like fuck no and pushes him away and storms out and he’s left sitting there all I don’t know what to do oh wait let me text her blackberry with my blackberry and he does and she receives the text as...
lost cause.
I’ve been wearing the same clothes since she left me three days ago.
perhaps subconsciously I’m telling myself, this is what you wore the moment before she pulled the trigger. at that point you were still together. never change out of these clothes, because in that stupid shirt and pants you still had her, if only for a moment.
“The world spins. We stumble on. It is enough.”
– Colum McCann, Let the Great World Spin
sad sack
i can’t help but think that every single one of my facebook friends is happier than i am.
“The core reason of it all was beauty. Walking was divine delight. Everything was...”
– Colum McCann, Let the Great World Spin
December 2009
20 posts
i feel it all
the other night we parked in dan’s driveway and ate mcdonalds in the car, I couldn’t tell if the moonroof was open or not because at 2:56am the upholstery in that acura that’s seen almost as many years as i have matches the color of silver lake sky and that color is called beautiful. all the houses on that street have giant lawns, the kind that garden party dreams are made of,...
resolutions.
less alcohol consumption in 2010. this goes hand in hand with less nonsense and less drunk eating.
I've made a huge mistake (I think).
what have i done.
“After I make you cry one of my organs melts into runny paste that trickles down...”
– ellen kennedy, “Brighter and Clearer”
“I am going to make boxes and put things in them and then write your name and...”
– ellen kennedy, “Sometimes My Heart Pushes My Ribs”
not really feeling
the holidays this year. when i taught second grade I had little choice but to get into them—december was all about holiday program rehearsals, classroom visits from santa, and receiving all sorts of strange and thoughtful gifts from the kids. but when you’re a jobless mess with all sorts of blight in your life there’s little reason to feel it now.
the holiday parties you...
you know those nights
that are so good you forego changing your clothes and brushing your teeth because you want to fall asleep and wake up with that smell on your shirt, that taste in your mouth?
January 2009
1 post
August 2008
4 posts
currently watching
streetball and 1 mixtape on espn. someone on the and1 team dunked at the end of the game and was all,
IT’S OVER!! LET’S GO EAT SOME BARBEQUE! LET’S GO EAT SOME BARBEQUE!!!!
that’s what i’m talking about.
“Candy Jail” - Silver Jews
July 2008
12 posts
